Drink your Cabbage. . . . Shelby!

Cabbage~chino

1 1/2 Cups Vanilla Flavored Milk

(Soy, Rice, Almond or Milk of Choice)

1 Tablespoon pure Vanilla Extract

2 oz Raw Cane Sugar or your preferred sugar

2 Tablespoons Cocoa

1 Teaspoon Instant Coffee

1 Wedge of Cabbage

1 Cup of Ice

Blend on High Speed Until Smooth

A few of us on Twitter have been drinking our "Green Smoothies" & talking about our Raw Veggies, I shared this with a couple of friends & decided to share it with you all today,,,Why add cabbage? Let me tell you all something, If you HATE cabbage as much as I do you will enjoy this, You can't taste it (Trust Me) This is a Fantastic way to add your veg to your diet.

Why Cabbage?

Cabbage is rich in Vitamin C (an antioxidant) and fiber and is also a member of the cruciferous vegetable family. People who frequently eat cabbage and other cruciferous vegetables may help reduce their risk of certain cancers such as colon and rectal cancer.

At least my way, You get your Coffee & your Chocolate in too!

Cricket Anyone?

It's Monday & My Guest Blogger, My Better Half & My Best Friend will now share his Humor from Afghanistan with us: Please Enjoy, I know I am enjoying his words.

I must say…we have a plethora of entertainment option here at Camp Sully…we can watch TV….go to the gym….or watch TV…..hmmm…I’m not sure but I think we’ve got a pattern here.

So today…I think I will watch TV…and now for the choices…

First…we have the five Indian channels…I’m not sure why we need five…since basically the same thing is being shown on every channel….now for my initial observation….if you just want relaxing and peaceful TV….DON’T WATCH THIS!!

The women…are always dressed to the nines…even in the most remote village with nothing but goat paths and these women all look like they’re going to the High School Prom..…

Now the women are a bit over the top on the drama side…they all seem to be crying…or making some other woman cry…the men are usually yelling at the women (who are crying)….or slapping another man who has displayed some type of social mishap …..you know…like serving curry with peanut butter….you just never are quite sure why the poor guy is getting beat up…but it seemed to fit the plot…so slap away!!

This slapping thing then progresses to a full blown street fight….with Kung Fu kicking ….Karate chopping….and yes…slapping…

This fight scene involves about a gazillion guys….not sure where they all came from…because they were not present during the initial crying-slapping phase of the plot….distant cousins I guess…

Eventually, one side commences to get the dirty end of the stick….this is when the guns come out….yeah babeee!!

These guns all appear out of nowhere….and we’re not just talking Saturday Night Special Pea Shooters…

We’re talking AK-47s….shotguns…grenades…flamethrowers….samurai swords….you know…just the normal stuff that you might find in a Texan’s closet…

This battle rages on for a good 20 minutes…with a generous portion of the time dedicated to facial expressions (my favorite part)…you know what I’m talking about…..like when you are sixteen and get caught in your dad’s liquor cabinet…in my case it was more like a cardboard box full of PBR…only the best for my dad…oh yeah…and don’t forget the sound effects….Yaaaahhh!! Oweeearrrgh! Waaahiii!!…and that’s just during the warm-up slapping phase..

Once the Kung Fu shooting portion is complete then the final scene usually involves a huge dance sequence where everybody get’s back up and dances….usually in front of a fountain or a cow pasture…it just depends if the people involved are city or country folk…makes sense to me….The End

Then there is Nepalese TV…we have two channels of that…the first one consists of a lot of praying…..and some humming….then it shows the national flag flying…then it repeats itself…ohhhh about every twenty minutes….I’m good for about three..

Now here is where the Indians either copied from the Nepalese or visa versa…that’s right…we’re back in the pasture for a song number…..the leading lady is always attractive…slim and pretty…now her back-up singers are a different story…they look “plow ready”…and I’m being kind.

All the lead male dancers look like…well…Elvis…they can’t seem to grow sideburns so they just grow their hair to look like sideburns…gee…nobody will be able to tell!!

Oh yeah…and the best part…they sound like they’re on helium….moving on…

The last channel…and not my favorite…is the international sports channel…this is where they play all the sports that Americans go…..HUH!!??!!??

First, we have soccer…as one of our famous football coaches said…If God had wanted us to play soccer…he would not have given us arms…enough said about soccer…

Then we have Rugby…unfortunately they don’t show this nearly enough…it’s actually a pretty cool sport….has everything us guys want…blood…hard hits…strategy…fast-pace…but..no cheerleaders…so they lose points on that…

Then we have Cricket…if you recall…I have mentioned this hideous sport in an earlier account…..let me go into some detail at this time…which is quite painful for me..

The sport entails two teams…dressed exactly the same….all white clothes with really preppy sweaters…I still haven’t figured out how they keep the teams straight…

Anyway…one of these preppy fellows throws a rubber ball at another preppy fellow …now this guy is holding a stick…it actually looks a lot like a half of a kayak paddle…he then wails on this rubber ball….the best part is when everybody acts like they know where the ball is going to go….of course it has other ideas…..so the ball lands way out in this manicured field (Nepalese could use it for a dance number)…and then everybody claps…

I asked my South Africans…do they really enjoy or understand the sport…and they finally admitted to me....that a particular game may go on for days…..so this allows them to miss a lot of work and drink enormous quantities of beer….

NOTE: The following is from the official rules Other ways runs can be scored according to the cricket rules include no balls, wide balls, byes & leg byes. Cricket rules state that all runs scored by these methods are awarded to the batting team but not the individual batters.

I prefer the wide ball and No Ball scoring method…versus the notorious Leg Byes…I mean…that should be clear to everybody!!

When I watch Cricket…I tend to go into a coma after six or seven minutes and fall onto the floor…at which time somebody has to get the defibrillator off the wall and revive me…this has happened so many times that I have gone ahead and shaved my chest and put little X’s on my torso where the pads should be positioned…...my South Africans appreciate this…it cuts down on their non-beer drinking time…

Cricket boy signing off...

Round & Round we go, Where we'll end up nobody knows!

With the Better Half's R&R quickly approaching, We have been debating on where to go for our Holiday! While I prefer to take Cruises to eliminate the:

• Where are going to stay?
• Where are we going to eat?
• What are we gonna do?

BH has used his VETO power against the cruise this year & proclaimed we are going to take a "Land" trip.

This is where it gets interesting, Where do you wanna go?

Being an Airline Employee is a Joy & A Curse: Thanks to having ZED (Zonal Employee Discount) fare privileges the world is ours, As long as some airline flies to our destination.

I will be meeting BH in Dubai & while we are there, we do have some wonderful things planned from taking a Romantic Dhow Cruise

(I had to get a cruise in)

to a 4 Wheelin Safari, Lil bit of shopping at the Gold Souk!

Then we'll be departing on 12 of March to: "?????"

Take our poll to the left & let me know where you think we'll end up!!

Esss Broken

** It's Monday & That means it's time for "Humor from Afghanistan" and my Husband has not failed us, His tail of going shopping left me in stitches!,,, I hope you enjoy & If you do please leave Jack a Comment **

Broken versus Unbroken…

Tsk…tsk…tsk….meeester….tsk…tsk…tsk!!!

I’m in an alley surrounded by mud huts….concrete barriers and four bony fingers pointing at me and scolding me…..you remember…like when you get caught dressing the family dog in your sister’s clothes…plus our dog only had three legs (not kidding) …her name was Sugar…she was like a Blue Tick Healer except a mongrel…so it was always a challenge to get everything to stay on until she ran down the street in front of all my sister’s friends (thank goodness for duct tape)…I believe I am the cause for my sister being held back a grade that year….yes!!

By the way….everything in the first sentence is my wife’s fault…….really!!

I bought a purse from a small Afghan boy which is hand sewn by the locals…it isn’t very big….but the workmanship is first rate and it is absolutely beautiful…besides…it was three bucks…

My bride never calls me cheap…just extremely frugal…..hmmm…I think it was taking her to the “dollar” theater after we first met….and yes…I had her smuggle in popcorn in her purse….I obviously couldn’t get it in my wallet…(hey…good excuse to carry a man purse like they do in Europe…..NOT!…..but I digress)…that stuff at the movies is outrageous!!……..everything was fine until we added the butter…you figure it out..

So the wife and I are skyping and I make the mistake of showing her present….”oh honey…that is sooo cute….you must get me more….you must!”…..ok….now I have a “honey do” mission and I am only 9000 freakin miles away…geesh!

So I have a day off…..no rest for the weary…..I sign up to ride the eight passenger van of death to complete my mission….first…I must trick the 15 or so Ghurkas into letting me have a seat so I don’t have to ride on the roof rack like the last time…just as the van pulls up I throw down two handfuls of tootsie rolls…HA…that oughta hold them for a second…I jump over the scrambling mass of squirming humanity and dive into the van…and I have seat…YES!…I wrap my arm around the seatbelt in case I doze off and they try to throw me out while the van is moving…

I am HIGH SPEED LOW DRAG…..ok…if you are not an Army type…that’s ok…I’ll explain…the term refers to a thing or person who at that particular moment is “all that and a bag of chips“….…I’m not sure if the Marines use that particular saying…but I bet they have something similar….that’s just the way we roll!!

Now this van is nothing special…it is one of those Toyota mini vans where the driver sits over the front wheel like some kind of sick circus ride….and they are all dog-butt ugly in about every way……...except one…..and that is exactly why I need ONE!

I make fun of the better half for buying bottled water because the bottle is “pretty”…..well…I’m no better….I have succumbed to the same vice…except for me it’s the name….yep….these mini vans look identical in every way except for their names….

“SUPER ACE VELOCITY…..LIMITED

“TURBO POWER SUPER HYPER………LIMITED

My favorite “TOURISIMO MAXIMUS EXOTICA…..LIMITED

Not sure what the LIMITED is all about….but they all have it….so I guess I need the LIMITED….right?

Where were we…oh yeah…..I get to Camp Eggers…..imagine a double E ride at Disney world on steroids…now you have some idea of what it is like to ride with our “designated” driver…of course a local…he is a cross between Eviel Knievel and Mario Andretti….with a little Spunge Bob thrown in for interest…I’m not sure where we found this guy…I think when the war first started we bombed an Insane Asylum and he wandered out of his padded cell to Camp Sully…

I am now wandering thru the maze of hescos (google) to get to the Post Exchange…PX…now most PX’s actually have useful things to buy….unfortunately Eggers doesn’t fall into that category…I really didn’t need any feminine hygiene products, Pringles or a magazine on how to trick out a Humvee….so I went to the coffee shop…..

You can actually get a fresh cup of really good coffee (The Green Bean)…..

and now the moment I dread…its time to catch the van (I like to call it Exotica) back to Sully….but wait…….there he is….lurking in the shadows…my little seven year old Sharkster….with his henchmen….which consisted of another seven year old, eight year old and a niner…….my leeetle friend has purses to sell me…….

So we begin to haggle over the price…this is my favorite part…it involves a lot of fist shaking…arm waving…kicking the dirt and spitting (my favorite part)….I’m just glad I’m not required to whistle…let’s just say I’m challenged in that department…I pucker up and blow and absolutely nothing comes out except air….it’s quite sad to witness this defect and I usually must be bribed with some type of adult beverage before I willingly humiliate myself…

We agree on a price ….I am pleased with my efforts…I wipe the sweat from my brow and pay my purse vender exactly what I paid him the last time…I was robbed….again!!

I hand him a fist full of wadded up ones and we shake on the transaction…this is where the situation went south on me…as I turn to walk away… my leeetle friend nonchalantly asks me if I would like to trade him a $20 dollar bill for all the $1 dollar bills I just gave him (they get a better exchange rate from the money changer dude)….sure why not……he excitedly pulls out all his $1 dollar bills and commences to count them out….he was amazing….nobody in Vegas has the dexterity of this kid….he counted out those bills so fast it sounded like a card taped to a bicycle wheel…..tictictictictictic…

And he was counting so fast it ran all together….

onetwothreefourfivsixseveigtnintenelevtwelvthirtnfrtnfiftnsxtnsevntneightnnintnTWENTEEEE

He really liked emphasizing the TWENTEEE…what a showman…

So I pull out my $20 dollar bill and attempt to hand it to the ringleader….this is when it happened….Spanky and the Gang all took a step back…took a deep breath and began to tsk tsk tsk tsk me… and point at me with their pointy little digits! They all stared at my $20 dollar bill like a bunch of goats staring at a new fence…

Meeester…Meesster….it is broken!!

This particular $20 bill had a tear in it approximately 100^th of a millimeter on the edge….it eees broken!! Well I tell you…this kid was madder than the guy who found out his blind date was with Janet Reno..

So I dig into my man purse (just joking) and I give my leeetle friend a fresh new crisp $20 bill which wasn’t broken….whew!!

I was exhausted… I looked at friend who was doubled over in Hyena-style

Laughter….I persuaded him not to talk on how I was run roughshod by a seven year old..…I promised him a tube of Pringles and I would show him my shiny bullet…

We see the van….its coming our way….we begin to walk towards it….out of the corner of my eye I see a woman with an armful of scarves….she is walking like a mad woman…tracking my friend and I like a wire-guided missile….the van…the women…BLAM!!…the woman wins….she is out of breath (but so are we)….she’s speaks….Pashmina…Pashmina…..now we’re talking!!

She is holding on to the side of the van as it is trying to pull away… Pashmina….Pashimina….I yell…how much….she replies….four dollar for you special meester……STOP THE VAN!!!….screech…thump…(van stopped…woman didn’t)

Ahaaa…finally…I’m not the one getting taken to the cleaners….this poor women…my superior intellect and business prowess has finally won the day…..well….that’s what I thought anyway….as we drive off I pull my Scarf out of the plastic (that should have been the first sign)…and read the label…it doesn’t say Pashmina……it says Pash--Ninja……I am told by the driver as he went over the curb to try and hit a pedestrian…that my scarf was made from the finest cat hair available….

I do love my scarf…but…..I have the strongest urge to cough up a hair ball every time I wear it…

Broken Boy….signing off

*************

Thank you my frugal husband, I can't wait to see my purses,,,,,I Love You!

To Fly or Not to Fly...That is the Question

On Twitter today I get asked from a Fellow Flight Attendant: @kristie777

@FlyAArmy how long u been flying? if you knew now about the job when u started would u still do it

This is a Great Question!

I've been flying since March 2001:

I've been furloughed twice

I've been relocated three times

I've gone to our regionals during furlough & returned to main line

Lost 17% of my Pay

Lost vacation time

Lost sick leave

Lost our crew meal

Lost a portion of our uniform allowance

Threat of yet another furlough in my future

And, I may or may not have a retirement

With that being said, The airlines have no issues getting applicants for Flight Attendant positions any time they post an opening,, I guessing here, but I'd have to say there are at least 25 applicants for every 1 position! (That's probably an understatement) There are still folks out there that think being a Flight Attendant is a Glamorous job, I know I'm still an infant in the time frame of being a Flight Attendant but I even know there is Zero Glamour! Yet, we do create out own FUN!

As Flight Attendants we are asked to Smile, Be Polite, Have good Customer Service skills, be able to work a minimum of a 12 hour day, Move a 250 pound cart with ease, and now since 9/11 we are asked to do all of the above all while guarding the Cockpit door & scanning our cabin for possible terrorists!

I don't want to turn this into a Bitch session about what my job has become, the question was, would I do this job now: My Answer is still a renown "YES I WOULD!"

Thing about it is, I can't possibly think of another job that has this much flexibility!

I could never do 9 to 5 behind a desk, I applaud those that do, I just couldn't do it!

Those that fly have a "reason",,, Or they wouldn't do it. You really have to appreciate this job in order to do it. It requires so much more than you think it possibly could. From: Relocating, to time away from your family & loved ones, missed Holidays, Birthdays, Appointments, lack of not having normal interval eating schedule & Sleeping in your own bed, just to name a few.

Why do I do it: I love the TRAVEL! I love love love my flight bennies!

I actually know Flight Attendants who refuse to get in a plane on their days off & when their vacation rolls around they want to drive,,, Really? Why?,,,

Okay, Kristie I hope I answered your question! I would still apply, I'd still fly, I'd still want to be a Flight Attendant!

After the Nap.... Zurich Teil Zwei

We lace up the boots & off to see "Old Town" & We begin our slide down the sidewalks on the frozen patches, This was entertaining as Sherri was walking at warp speed, While silly ole me was trying to see the city & take a few pictures!,,,

Sherri slowed down long enough for us to snap a few pics...

When we left the hotel, The sun was actually out, we had plans to take the train to Lucern, Switzerland, This is when Cecelia (Crew Member) & All around great gal informed us, "there was a storm a brewing",, Cecelia advised us not to go. Okay Plan B

We decided to follow the river & walk to Lake Zurich...

About 30 minutes into our walk, the "Snow Flurries" began,,, Sherri & I were so excited... Until

The Snow came pouring down, Now you have to understand something here,,,

Sherri & I are Southern Gals, we are not accustom to snow, It is a novelty to us!!

Have you ever had snow accumulate on your eyelashes?? Seriously,,,

Zurich is a lovely city, considering this was such a short trip, I'll have to return

bringing the Better Half with me next time!!

I love any country that boost Cheese, Wine & CHOCOLATE!!!

We head back to the hotel to meet the crew for Dinner.. Of course we walk into the lobby looked like frozen, cold, wet, tourist,,,, Asking the crew "DID YOU SEE THAT SNOW",,

While they were all toasty & warm in their rooms,,,

Time for some Swiss Wine & some knockwurst !

You see the Gentleman behind us? He was our Comic relief while we were at the local pub

he kept speaking to himself the entire time, Not just any talk, He spoke like the Cajun Coach in the movie "WaterBoy" & In German no less, it was Hysterical!

I love that Zurich allows their pets to hang out with their Masters, This fellow left the house carrying his favorite toy, I'm guessing as was walking the sidewalks carrying his Rubber Chicken! Zurich is just as pretty at night, I just don't have a good camera! Sorry Ya'll!

I decided to take my airline home, since they had way more seats, So up at 0500 to get to take the train to the Airport! As you can see, Not a lot of folks rushing to get to the airport at this hour, I wished the sun had been out, it looked like a great ride.

This was my last view of Zurich out the window right before take off. To my new Crew Friends, If you are reading this: You guys ROCK.. Thank you for sharing your layover with me & Thanks for the great trip over, I'm sorry I didn't go back with you, I missed ya'll too!!! Meg you are the bestest Purser & Phillip, you are my new best friend!!

Starbucks or Zurich, Switzerland??

So. . . . . . . . I get an email on Wednesday, All the Subject line said was:

ZURICH!!!

I quickly open the email because it is from a friend of mine, Inside it said

"Wanna go to Zurich, Friday?"

Well, Sure I want to go to Zurich! ~ Why?? I've never been there before!, I get another Passport Stamp & I get to meet Sherri (@Flyingdesigner ). I met Sherri on Twitter, She's a Flight Attendant at another airline & when she started chatting up her Amsterdam layovers I had to know more. Amsterdam is Numero Uno on my "To Do" list. Sherri being a good Flight Attendant did what any good Flight Attendant would do when talking about a great layover, Sherri said "Pack your bag, Come & go with me" & we tried about three times to make the Amsterdam trip a reality, to no avail! When this email came to the inbox I was delighted. The stars & moon & non-rev Gods had all alined, to make this trip a GO FOR LAUNCH!...

Why is this Blog Worthy? In this day & age of Facebook, My Space & Twitter.... Friends are finding one another all over this world . . . . & end up asking the same question?

"Where do you want to Meet?"

So, where does one meet? Starbucks? A Bar? In a Park walking their dog?

NOT IF You are a Flight Attendant!~

Sherri & I had never actually met in person before this trip!

Now if you are a Flight Attendant or Crew Member or even an Airline Employee,,, You can relate to this story... Or so we thought,,,

We're all outside the gate waiting for the plane, I get to meet her Crew for the 1st time, We're all chatting,,, & We get the "How do ya'll know each other?",,

We met on Twitter,,,

Insert Deer in the headlights here______________________!!!

The next 15 minutes were filled with "Let's play 20 Questions"

From: What's Twitter? What do you mean ya'll have never met?

We arrive, Get to our rooms, Where I am informed to drop my bags,

We are meeting in the lobby in 15 minutes,,,

I ask Sherri, "Where are we headed?" I'm thinking breakfast or something

in that line, because it is 9am & her crew had been working so hard for the

past 9 hours!! Oh Noooo,, We are headed down the street to the best

Grocery Store in downtown Zurich!!! COOP What a great Store!!,

You have to love any store that dedicates an Entire Row to Swiss Chocolate!!

I got lots of goodies & thank goodness I could not bring back any liquids back in to the United States or I would of purchased way to much!

I'm not sure where or why the fascination came with going to the grocery store & Flight Attendants,,, but I love it!

Back at the hotel, time for a quick nap, we are meeting the crew

for dinner at 6pm & we must do a bit of walking around the old town prior to that!

Did you know the Swiss had Wine too? I love this Country!

Tomorrow: A quick day in Zurich!

Crammed Buuf Gone?

It's Monday & you know what that means, The Better Half, My guest blogger has brought us another view into his life while in Afghanistan!!,,, I hope you are enjoying these blogs as much as his family are! Routine... Life would be anarchy without routine....please...let me explain....on my work days I get up extra early in the morning...this is part of my routine....and you ask...”But why Jack?” trust me...I'm not trying to be the over-achiever that nobody can stand...you know...the guy in class who continually has his hand up to ask another stupid question when the break period is only ten minutes long... The reason I get up extra early is this....when I first got here I would wake up when everybody else did...I would then go to the mess hall...wait in line my mandatory 13 minutes......and get my breakfast...while in line...every Ghurka in Afghanistan...some I don't think are even based at my camp will come up to me while in line and wish me a “very good morning!”......ok....it's 0345.....why is it a good morning again?? The one thing that causes me to go to breakfast is two words.....CREAMED BEEF.....I dont know where my Afghan cook learned how to make it but it is to die for!! Ahhh...my favorite cook is on the line...”Ali...good morning I will have the creamed beef please over some of those potatoes that look like they were part of the Irish potato famine of 1842....he replies...”crammed buuuf gone”......”No Ali....I dont want the beans or the fried tomatos...just the creamed beef please....”crammed buuf gone”......”ok...I will wait for more crammed...I mean creamed beef...ok”.......”sir...sir...crammed buuf gone gone!”......... OK....if I didnt know better Ali is trying to tell me I am not going to get “crammed buuf” this morning...instead I had the “lice with oge”....(rice and egg).... NOW...you know the reason why I get up extra early....I dont want the “lice with oge”....I want the “crammed buuf” dammit! It is a different day...I am actually the first person in the mess hall except for Ali....(I really need a life dont I)....I get my “crammed buuf”.....I get my eggs to order...I get my instant coffee laced generously with hot milk....I pour honey over everything and I sit down against the back wall facing the wrong way.....ahhhh....alone...quiet.....and a special treat for me.....on the wall in front of me is a large flat screen tv...it is on......and for some reason it is on the lingerie channel....”bad Ali”.....you see...we dont get this channel in our room...it only comes on in the mess hall....I think Ali bribed the IT guy with “lice and oge” for life and free donkey rides.... Now for the visual....hang with me...there is a young lady....attractive enough....got that eastern European high cheek bone thing going on... she is in Paris.....early morning....on a wet cobble stone street....wearing a corset, black net nylons and thigh high boots with 5 inch heels....are we tracking??...........and she has fallen...sorta like what a skate boarder looks like after not clearing the handrail at the local park....she is sprawled across the wet pavement....and does not seem to be in hurry to get up...and nobody is helping her.................GOOOD!! So I'm taking this all in...sippin my coffee...eating my buuf..........and down sit my Afrikaners on either side of me...Hinee (the big ugly one...oh wait..they're all big and ugly)...grabs the remote a switches the channel to the International Channel for Cricket Tournaments..............immediately two things happen... First Thing...I begin to choke on my crammed buuf.... Second Thing...I reach for my Glock 19 semi-automatic pistol located in my Model 6000 Safariland thigh drop holster (I think a totally natural and justifiable reaction).......it shoots the famous 9x19 mm caliber and holds 15 rounds in the magazine...except I can only get 14 in the mag...so I carry the extra bullet in my shirt pocket and shine it when I get bored...(Barney was my hero).. Lucky for Hinee...I had left my Glock in the room since I didnt think I was going to need a sidearm at breakfast!!......I was wrong in this case...I am now in a daze....you know...like after a cow kicks you when your milking her...we've all been there... havent we?? I get my gear....attend the briefing...words were said...but I was more like the teacher on the Charlie Brown cartoons....whaaaa...whaaaa....whaaa.......I get in the truck....this morning was one of the few times I hoped we would find trouble...I needed to shoot something!! Charlie Brown....signing off NEXT MONDAY: "Broken"

Can I Sell you sumteeng meeester??

Well, It's Monday & you know what that means,,, Below is the latest installment of Humor from Afghanistan from The Better Half... Take it away Jack!

The only rude Afghan I have ever met was one of their government ministers....I believe this guy was the Minister of Something Important...I'm sure he is knee deep in the goat swapping trade, this Head Goat Herder is extremely rude..arrogant..and way to impressed with his own inflated importance.....with that said...all other Afghans I've met are extremely polite, soft-spoken, courteous, generous... and they trying to make a buck like the rest of us..

These entrepreneurs come to the embassy wanting to see whoever can get them a contract for whatever they are selling...from whidgets to wheelbarrows...and they come in their finest threads......this is where it gets interesting...

you see...the Afghans seem to be stuck in a fashion time warp....somewhere between “Grease” and “Saturday Night Fever”....my favorite are the mens' suits....it seems that shiny is in.....now I'm not talking satin shiny...I'm talking Reynolds Wrap or Airstream shiny...literally...the sun reflects light off these suits...and the color doesnt seem to be an issue....grey..blue..brown...pink....yes pink!!

The best part is by far the sweater vest which they must possess to complete the ensemble......I have come to the conclusion that the color...pattern or material is secondary to just having a vest....my favorite has been a dark pin strip shiny suit...black and white polka dotted tie with a white plaid sweater vest....it was a feast for the eyes...two things could have happened...I could let him in ...or...I could have played checkers on his chest...

IMPORTANT NOTE: There is a place close to our compound where a local tailor can also make me a special shiny suit....and understand..only the finest synthetic materials not found in nature are to be used....and the turn around time is only 24 hours.......so I'm thinking........thinking GREEN...no...not the green found on a tree leaf...oh noooo.....more like the green found on a 1978 Lincoln Mark V....oh yeah baby...now that's pimpin!!.......now for the shoes....I'm thinking Yak...

From the front...signing off...

Next Monday: Crammmed Buuuf

Don't touch that Valve!!!!!!

I've decided to make Monday

My Military Monday, on my Blog

So every Monday I will run a Blog from my Better Half. . .

Yes, I'm aware he's not in the Military anymore, but he is still serving his country, In a Civilian capacity, & I am so very proud of him. .

The words he shares of his time in Afghanistan reflect his views alone & do not reflect his current employer...

Toady's Story: Don't touch that Valve....

OK...”when in Rome”...we have all heard that expression..It's my first day and I want to fit in....another cog in the big wheel...yep, that's me...

So I walk into our outdoor bathroom (KOA Style)....for the very first time...and as always there were two or three Ghurkas at the sinks...a few more in the show area washing their feet...don't ask....and a couple more “taking care of business”....are we tracking so far??....good!

The first three stall are Eastern style....just a ceramic hole in the shape of a cow's head....oh...and two foot grip areas on each side of the hole...sorta self-explanatory I think...initially I would avoid these toilets and always proceed to the western style commodes....however, I have found that by using the Eastern style toilet for #1..is an excellent way of getting some target practice in...so now I actually look forward to those forays...

I am not sure how anybody does the #2 with this model.......for starters...I would require hand grips on the wall and a rear-view mirror....no thanks

After passing the first stalls you then come upon the normal toilets....well...I thought they were normal...I am now “taking care of business”...so far so good...my little stall is quite cozy....just savoring the moment...la la la....oh look...a valve...what does this......

Before finishing my sentence...out of curiosity...I had rotated the valve located next to me...and three things immediately happened......First...a burst of ice cold water from under the toilet seat makes a direct hit upon a part of my anatomy which was not expecting this.....

Second...As Einstein so eloquently stated “for every action there is an equal reaction”....my reaction was to instinctively leap to my feet...at a very high rate of speed...this speed was so high...that I actually saw my reflection in the mirror above the sink...over the stall door...which is over six feet high...........I'm 5'10”...I believe that I might have qualified for the new sport of commode jumping in the upcoming Olympics....

Third...Something verbal passed my lips...nothing human mind you...more like something from a wounded animal....or Daffy Duck...take your pick...

My Ghurkas had never seen this new game from America and after much clapping..they asked me to perform it one more time for the benefit of the men washing their feet...it seems they did not have a clear view of my misfortune as did the men at the sinks...

I then explain to them that this custom was hopefully only performed once in one's life...and that they had witnessed something very special that day...So as I backed out of the bathroom....with a wet spot running from the small of my back to my ankles..I bid farewell to my admirers and promised myself that I would never touch the valve again!!

signing off....Commode Boy...

Next Monday: Can I Sell you sumteeng meeester??

If you enjoy writing this, Please leave a comment, Jack would love to hear from you!

To Peep or Not to Peep, That is the Question

About a year ago, I entered a National Geographic Contest:

Peeps in places photo, Challenge ?

Well, I know this may come as a shock to ya'll but I didn't win

I thought to myself, That's no reason you the viewing public should not be able to see these wonderful masterpieces,,, To tell the truth, I'd do it all over again.

It was a Blast, One to trying to create my own version of

"Where is Matt Lauer"

using a Peep,,, & Two trying to convince the locals I wasn't crazy for snapping a photo of a Yellow Stuffed Bunny, Not sure the folks in the Czech Republic or Germany ever quiet understood! But, I Could be Wrong...

Can you see me now?

Grafenwöhr Germany ,, Easy Peasy, Just turn left at Verpfegungsausgabe...

Time for a Wine

Airport Appreciation in Frankfurt, Now what is German for Exit?

"Der Ausgang" Ya Ya

Time for Coffee

My Peep is over 21~~

Astronomical Clock Czech Republic

Eiffel Tower Czech Republic

Regensburg, Germany

It's awfully nice that United upgraded my Peep

My appetizer was delish!

The Crew was even nice enough to give me a Flight Deck Tour

So, there you have it,,, Wouldn't you agree that ONE of these photos would of

impressed National Geographic? Maybe I'll try again this year, I'll be taking my Peep to Dubai in March. We could always snap a picture of my Peep at the Burj Khalifa !!

We don't need no stinking badges....Humor from Afghanistan

The Following Blog is from my Guest Blogger:

My Husband, His humor from Afghanistan I feel is just to funny not to Share ,,,

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..So there we were...all of us “newbees” getting our official Local Badges. This badge shows everybody that I am licensed, authorized and dangerous to carry firearms that I have been adequately trained to operate and shoot....of course the key word “adequately” was a bit of a downer...instead of just Glock 19 and M4 Assault Rifle...I thought it would be nice to have something like BAZOOKA or VIKING BATTLE AXE on my badge..no such luck......there doesn't seem to be enough space on the badge for extra stuff...oh darn

The five of us are at the Embassy and a very busy lady is trying to get us through the process as quickly as possible...(I think it was time for lunch)....of course this badge will have our photo place upon it for proper identification at all times.....as each person stepped in front of the sheet to get his picture taken...I remember my Wife telling me about my “MEAN LOOK”....she claims it is pretty convincing...of course I have never seen this look since I'm usually not close to a mirror during the display of the “MEAN LOOK”.....now I am in unchartered territory...because I need that look on the badge...I must have it!

Before you can whistle Dixie...(Can't whistle so not sure how long that would take...stop laughing!)...it is now my turn for the photo shoot... I imagine what my “MEAN LOOK” must be and the busy lady begins to count...one two click and I blink!!......

The busy lady disappears for a short time and then comes back out with all the photos for us to proof...I thought I had heard some giggling behind the door but then maybe it was my imagination.....then I saw my picture....of course my eyes are closed and instead of a grimace...it was more like a twisted Joker from Batman smile....no kidding...I looked like an Elmer Fudd Look-A-Like Cartoon Character...all I needed was a special bus...geesh!

She says..”oh sir..we must retake this....this will not do...this is unacceptable...this is.....” ALRIGHT ALREADY!!...I get the hint...

Now I am really concentrating to keep my eyes open because it really is time for chow....Click...

“oh sir...much better”.......I take the badge and off to chow we go....I get my meat from a Newt Hindquarter and commence to eat.....”hey Elmer let me see your pic”...I proudly show my badge...he then commences to cough up a lung and passes around my badge to the other insensitive louts...you see...I just took the badge never really gave it a close look...sigh...imagine Curly Joe from the Three Stooges eating a hot tomale....or Grandpa from the Munsters getting his over 50 exam...now you have some idea of my facial expression in the photo...as if that isn't bad enough.....on the badge they filled the entire space with my head....the light is coming from behind so my head actually looks like an eclipse of...oh I don't know...Mars maybe!!.....I honestly believe I could cause young children to pee on themselves with this photo....or cure the hiccups...yikes!

To say I looked deranged would be extremely flattering.......but lets look at the bright side...I probably will never have to fire my weapon in anger...instead...I'll just show my badge....that should do the trick!!

Signing off for now....Badgeman

Stay Tuned: Next Blog: "Don't touch that Valve"

My 1st Email from Afghanistan

An hour ago, I received my 1st Email from my Husband who just arrived in Afghanistan,

for a year long tour. Those of you who read my blog, know that my Husband just retired from the United States Army with 35 Years & 7 Months, Yet, There was still one thing he wanted to do, He wanted to serve in Afghanistan, He never got a chance too,,,,So he thought he'd take a different road, One that wears a Civilian Uniform... I'm not too pleased with the Month & Date his new company choose to send him, However ...Military Wife or Civilian Wife I will support him 110%.. I would also like to Thank everyone for their thoughts & prayers for Jack & I during this time, Your supports means the world to us!

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Howdy BB....and Everybody else.... First I want to say how much I miss everybody...my beautiful wife... my fantastic son...Mom...Ed and Sally....oh...and that hairy thing... she would love it here...we have two camp cats that she could chase... I have never been to a place that needed a tree this bad..... actually this place could use a few million trees... I am in Kabul this evening on the 23d of December.... I wore a short sleeve shirt all day today...it was probably in the mid 60's and the sky was very blue...what little you could see of it...the locals burn everything in sight to keep warm so there is a serious air quality problem here. After crossing over the southern portion of Afghanistan it was still another two hours of flying before arriving in Kabul... we flew close to a thousand miles and I did not see one road...town ....railroad...tree....or any sign of civilization...just huge beautiful... incredibly rugged mountains covered in snow.... This could be such a paradise for outdoor enthusiast... unfortunately...there are some very angry people on the ground who would like to keep this place in the stone ages... Our camp is named after a contractor killed in Mosul the same time I was there. Everybody here has been just great making sure us newbees get adjusted as soon as possible... The Ghurka guards from Nepal are great...very polite...always smiling... and they only get leave once a year...my room is almost comical... .its eight by sixteen feet and I share it with another contractor.... I have to go outside to change my mind...hopefully more space will come open in the near future. Tuck...you would have loved the airport...I have got to get some pictures ...DC3....flying!!....Russian HIND D attack helicopters.... Russian bombers converted into freight haulers....every imaginable type of helicopter.....and a whole bunch of stuff that will never fly again... .the mechanics are slowly cannibalizing these poor old warbirds to keep something else flying... While driving through the neighborhood this morning we were slowed to a crawl...a herd of goats were walking up the main road ahead of us....they need "goat crossing " signs here ...imagine Washington DC with goats walking up to the Lincoln memorial.... the people are extremely poor here...I saw a young boy pushing this wheelbarrow bigger than him down a muddy side road full of scrap wood.......he should be in school...not working... we are sooo blessed...I love you all Jackie ************************************************************************************************

There you have it: Jack's first impression of Afghanistan... Thank You for letting me share this tiny insight with you all...