Monday, January 25, 2010

Don't touch that Valve!!!!!!

I've decided to make Monday
My Military Monday, on my Blog

So every Monday I will run a Blog from my Better Half. . .

Yes, I'm aware he's not in the Military anymore, but he is still serving his country, In a Civilian capacity, & I am so very proud of him. .

The words he shares of his time in Afghanistan reflect his views alone & do not reflect his current employer...

Toady's Story: Don't touch that Valve....

OK...”when in Rome”...we have all heard that expression..It's my first day and I want to fit in....another cog in the big wheel...yep, that's me...

So I walk into our outdoor bathroom (KOA Style)....for the very first time...and as always there were two or three Ghurkas at the sinks...a few more in the show area washing their feet...don't ask....and a couple more “taking care of business”....are we tracking so far??....good!

The first three stall are Eastern style....just a ceramic hole in the shape of a cow's head....oh...and two foot grip areas on each side of the hole...sorta self-explanatory I think...initially I would avoid these toilets and always proceed to the western style commodes....however, I have found that by using the Eastern style toilet for an excellent way of getting some target practice now I actually look forward to those forays...

I am not sure how anybody does the #2 with this model.......for starters...I would require hand grips on the wall and a rear-view thanks

After passing the first stalls you then come upon the normal toilets....well...I thought they were normal...I am now “taking care of business” far so little stall is quite cozy....just savoring the la la....oh look...a valve...what does this......

Before finishing my sentence...out of curiosity...I had rotated the valve located next to me...and three things immediately happened......First...a burst of ice cold water from under the toilet seat makes a direct hit upon a part of my anatomy which was not expecting this.....

Second...As Einstein so eloquently stated “for every action there is an equal reaction” reaction was to instinctively leap to my a very high rate of speed...this speed was so high...that I actually saw my reflection in the mirror above the sink...over the stall door...which is over six feet high...........I'm 5'10”...I believe that I might have qualified for the new sport of commode jumping in the upcoming Olympics....

Third...Something verbal passed my lips...nothing human mind you...more like something from a wounded animal....or Daffy Duck...take your pick...

My Ghurkas had never seen this new game from America and after much clapping..they asked me to perform it one more time for the benefit of the men washing their seems they did not have a clear view of my misfortune as did the men at the sinks...

I then explain to them that this custom was hopefully only performed once in one's life...and that they had witnessed something very special that day...So as I backed out of the bathroom....with a wet spot running from the small of my back to my ankles..I bid farewell to my admirers and promised myself that I would never touch the valve again!!

signing off....Commode Boy...

Next Monday: Can I Sell you sumteeng meeester??

If you enjoy writing this, Please leave a comment, Jack would love to hear from you!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

To Peep or Not to Peep, That is the Question

About a year ago, I entered a National Geographic Contest:
Peeps in places photo, Challenge ?

Well, I know this may come as a shock to ya'll but I didn't win
I thought to myself, That's no reason you the viewing public should not be able to see these wonderful masterpieces,,, To tell the truth, I'd do it all over again.
It was a Blast, One to trying to create my own version of
"Where is Matt Lauer"
using a Peep,,, & Two trying to convince the locals I wasn't crazy for snapping a photo of a Yellow Stuffed Bunny, Not sure the folks in the Czech Republic or Germany ever quiet understood! But, I Could be Wrong...
Can you see me now?
Grafenwöhr Germany ,, Easy Peasy, Just turn left at Verpfegungsausgabe...
Time for a Wine
Airport Appreciation in Frankfurt, Now what is German for Exit?
"Der Ausgang" Ya Ya
Time for Coffee
My Peep is over 21~~
It's awfully nice that United upgraded my Peep
My appetizer was delish!
The Crew was even nice enough to give me a Flight Deck Tour
So, there you have it,,, Wouldn't you agree that ONE of these photos would of
impressed National Geographic? Maybe I'll try again this year, I'll be taking my Peep to Dubai in March. We could always snap a picture of my Peep at the Burj Khalifa !!

Monday, January 18, 2010

We don't need no stinking badges....Humor from Afghanistan

The Following Blog is from my Guest Blogger:

My Husband, His humor from Afghanistan I feel is just to funny not to Share ,,,


..So there we were...all of us “newbees” getting our official Local Badges. This badge shows everybody that I am licensed, authorized and dangerous to carry firearms that I have been adequately trained to operate and shoot....of course the key word “adequately” was a bit of a downer...instead of just Glock 19 and M4 Assault Rifle...I thought it would be nice to have something like BAZOOKA or VIKING BATTLE AXE on my such luck......there doesn't seem to be enough space on the badge for extra stuff...oh darn

The five of us are at the Embassy and a very busy lady is trying to get us through the process as quickly as possible...(I think it was time for lunch)....of course this badge will have our photo place upon it for proper identification at all each person stepped in front of the sheet to get his picture taken...I remember my Wife telling me about my “MEAN LOOK”....she claims it is pretty convincing...of course I have never seen this look since I'm usually not close to a mirror during the display of the “MEAN LOOK” I am in unchartered territory...because I need that look on the badge...I must have it!

Before you can whistle Dixie...(Can't whistle so not sure how long that would take...stop laughing!) is now my turn for the photo shoot... I imagine what my “MEAN LOOK” must be and the busy lady begins to two click and I blink!!......

The busy lady disappears for a short time and then comes back out with all the photos for us to proof...I thought I had heard some giggling behind the door but then maybe it was my imagination.....then I saw my picture....of course my eyes are closed and instead of a was more like a twisted Joker from Batman kidding...I looked like an Elmer Fudd Look-A-Like Cartoon Character...all I needed was a special bus...geesh!

She says..”oh sir..we must retake this....this will not do...this is unacceptable...this is.....” ALRIGHT ALREADY!!...I get the hint...

Now I am really concentrating to keep my eyes open because it really is time for chow....Click...

“oh sir...much better”.......I take the badge and off to chow we go....I get my meat from a Newt Hindquarter and commence to eat.....”hey Elmer let me see your pic”...I proudly show my badge...he then commences to cough up a lung and passes around my badge to the other insensitive see...I just took the badge never really gave it a close look...sigh...imagine Curly Joe from the Three Stooges eating a hot tomale....or Grandpa from the Munsters getting his over 50 you have some idea of my facial expression in the if that isn't bad enough.....on the badge they filled the entire space with my head....the light is coming from behind so my head actually looks like an eclipse of...oh I don't know...Mars maybe!!.....I honestly believe I could cause young children to pee on themselves with this photo....or cure the hiccups...yikes!

To say I looked deranged would be extremely flattering.......but lets look at the bright side...I probably will never have to fire my weapon in anger...instead...I'll just show my badge....that should do the trick!!

Signing off for now....Badgeman

Stay Tuned: Next Blog: "Don't touch that Valve"

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Fort Worth, Texas, United States