Monday, January 25, 2010

Don't touch that Valve!!!!!!

I've decided to make Monday
My Military Monday, on my Blog

So every Monday I will run a Blog from my Better Half. . .

Yes, I'm aware he's not in the Military anymore, but he is still serving his country, In a Civilian capacity, & I am so very proud of him. .

The words he shares of his time in Afghanistan reflect his views alone & do not reflect his current employer...


Toady's Story: Don't touch that Valve....

OK...”when in Rome”...we have all heard that expression..It's my first day and I want to fit in....another cog in the big wheel...yep, that's me...

So I walk into our outdoor bathroom (KOA Style)....for the very first time...and as always there were two or three Ghurkas at the sinks...a few more in the show area washing their feet...don't ask....and a couple more “taking care of business”....are we tracking so far??....good!

The first three stall are Eastern style....just a ceramic hole in the shape of a cow's head....oh...and two foot grip areas on each side of the hole...sorta self-explanatory I think...initially I would avoid these toilets and always proceed to the western style commodes....however, I have found that by using the Eastern style toilet for #1..is an excellent way of getting some target practice in...so now I actually look forward to those forays...

I am not sure how anybody does the #2 with this model.......for starters...I would require hand grips on the wall and a rear-view mirror....no thanks

After passing the first stalls you then come upon the normal toilets....well...I thought they were normal...I am now “taking care of business”...so far so good...my little stall is quite cozy....just savoring the moment...la la la....oh look...a valve...what does this......

Before finishing my sentence...out of curiosity...I had rotated the valve located next to me...and three things immediately happened......First...a burst of ice cold water from under the toilet seat makes a direct hit upon a part of my anatomy which was not expecting this.....

Second...As Einstein so eloquently stated “for every action there is an equal reaction”....my reaction was to instinctively leap to my feet...at a very high rate of speed...this speed was so high...that I actually saw my reflection in the mirror above the sink...over the stall door...which is over six feet high...........I'm 5'10”...I believe that I might have qualified for the new sport of commode jumping in the upcoming Olympics....

Third...Something verbal passed my lips...nothing human mind you...more like something from a wounded animal....or Daffy Duck...take your pick...

My Ghurkas had never seen this new game from America and after much clapping..they asked me to perform it one more time for the benefit of the men washing their feet...it seems they did not have a clear view of my misfortune as did the men at the sinks...

I then explain to them that this custom was hopefully only performed once in one's life...and that they had witnessed something very special that day...So as I backed out of the bathroom....with a wet spot running from the small of my back to my ankles..I bid farewell to my admirers and promised myself that I would never touch the valve again!!

signing off....Commode Boy...

Next Monday: Can I Sell you sumteeng meeester??

If you enjoy writing this, Please leave a comment, Jack would love to hear from you!


4 comments:

Brajit said...

Jack, I have never laughed so hard at a blog post. Who would have thought that somebody being in Afghanistan would have so many follies, especially doing something that comes naturally to us.

Keep 'em coming! I hope they are all this gut-tickling!

-Brad-

Erin said...

Holy crap! That's hilarious! I love the men (like you and my hudband) that don't just *wonder* what something does, but decide it would be smart to try it. Absolutely classic.

Oussama said...

Well I suppose it is a matter of some part of the anatomy and hand coordination, it is all in the sequence of events. I would suggest a placard like the ones you have on airplane toilets (Do Not Touch While Doing Your Business0

Jean aka ffjewelry on twitter said...

I am back to not being able to breath again. That was absolutely hysterical!!!

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