Monday, February 8, 2010

Crammed Buuf Gone?




It's Monday & you know what that means, The Better Half, My guest blogger has brought us another view into his life while in Afghanistan!!,,, I hope you are enjoying these blogs as much as his family are!


Routine...

Life would be anarchy without routine....please...let me explain....on my work days I get up extra early in the morning...this is part of my routine....and you ask...”But why Jack?” trust me...I'm not trying to be the over-achiever that nobody can stand...you know...the guy in class who continually has his hand up to ask another stupid question when the break period is only ten minutes long...

The reason I get up extra early is this....when I first got here I would wake up when everybody else did...I would then go to the mess hall...wait in line my mandatory 13 minutes......and get my breakfast...while in line...every Ghurka in Afghanistan...some I don't think are even based at my camp will come up to me while in line and wish me a “very good morning!”......ok....it's 0345.....why is it a good morning again??

The one thing that causes me to go to breakfast is two words.....CREAMED BEEF.....I dont know where my Afghan cook learned how to make it but it is to die for!!

Ahhh...my favorite cook is on the line...”Ali...good morning I will have the creamed beef please over some of those potatoes that look like they were part of the Irish potato famine of 1842....he replies...”crammed buuuf gone”......”No Ali....I dont want the beans or the fried tomatos...just the creamed beef please....”crammed buuf gone”......”ok...I will wait for more crammed...I mean creamed beef...ok”.......”sir...sir...crammed buuf gone gone!”.........

OK....if I didnt know better Ali is trying to tell me I am not going to get “crammed buuf” this morning...instead I had the “lice with oge”....(rice and egg)....

NOW...you know the reason why I get up extra early....I dont want the “lice with oge”....I want the “crammed buuf” dammit!

It is a different day...I am actually the first person in the mess hall except for Ali....(I really need a life dont I)....I get my “crammed buuf”.....I get my eggs to order...I get my instant coffee laced generously with hot milk....I pour honey over everything and I sit down against the back wall facing the wrong way.....ahhhh....alone...quiet.....and a special treat for me.....on the wall in front of me is a large flat screen tv...it is on......and for some reason it is on the lingerie channel....”bad Ali”.....you see...we dont get this channel in our room...it only comes on in the mess hall....I think Ali bribed the IT guy with “lice and oge” for life and free donkey rides....

Now for the visual....hang with me...there is a young lady....attractive enough....got that eastern European high cheek bone thing going on... she is in Paris.....early morning....on a wet cobble stone street....wearing a corset, black net nylons and thigh high boots with 5 inch heels....are we tracking??...........and she has fallen...sorta like what a skate boarder looks like after not clearing the handrail at the local park....she is sprawled across the wet pavement....and does not seem to be in hurry to get up...and nobody is helping her.................GOOOD!!

So I'm taking this all in...sippin my coffee...eating my buuf..........and down sit my Afrikaners on either side of me...Hinee (the big ugly one...oh wait..they're all big and ugly)...grabs the remote a switches the channel to the International Channel for Cricket Tournaments..............immediately two things happen...

First Thing...I begin to choke on my crammed buuf....

Second Thing...I reach for my Glock 19 semi-automatic pistol located in my Model 6000 Safariland thigh drop holster (I think a totally natural and justifiable reaction).......it shoots the famous 9x19 mm caliber and holds 15 rounds in the magazine...except I can only get 14 in the mag...so I carry the extra bullet in my shirt pocket and shine it when I get bored...(Barney was my hero)..

Lucky for Hinee...I had left my Glock in the room since I didnt think I was going to need a sidearm at breakfast!!......I was wrong in this case...I am now in a daze....you know...like after a cow kicks you when your milking her...we've all been there... havent we??

I get my gear....attend the briefing...words were said...but I was more like the teacher on the Charlie Brown cartoons....whaaaa...whaaaa....whaaa.......I get in the truck....this morning was one of the few times I hoped we would find trouble...I needed to shoot something!!

Charlie Brown....signing off

NEXT MONDAY: "Broken"

2 comments:

Brajit said...

Jack, I have a feeling your taste buds are so shot to hell already, that you are probably eating the Grade F Taco Bell meat mixed with Elmer's Glue! Creamed Buuf! And something even that good wouldn't get me up at 0345! I'll attempt to practice it in school and come over and make you my mom's famous SOS (Shit on a Shingle). Take care, looking forward to next Monday!

-Brad-

Brit said...

Ok, this is, like, the best part of my Mondays! I can't wait for next week ... also ... PICTURES!

About Me

My photo
Fort Worth, Texas, United States